Monday, May 31, 2010

Who Am I?

If you've stumbled upon this blog by accident or unsuspectingly clicked on a link that landed you here, you're probably wondering, "Who the heck is this chick?" This is an excellent question. Here are the basics:

1. My name is Erin.
2. I'm 29 1/2 30 31 32 33 years old.
3. I live in Austin, Texas.
4. In about 5 weeks, I will be divorced. I am divorced.
5. My marriage lasted less than 2 years before we separated. 
6. I used to blog over here.
7. This blog is the story of the next part of my life.

I am also smokin' hot. Or skeptical. It's all in the eye of the beholder.

The question, "Who am I?" is one that I've been mulling over a lot during the last few months. If you had asked me a year ago, I would have come up with an answer pretty quickly, and it probably would have included mention of my career, my husband, my awesome kitty cat, and my hobbies. But after my separation forced me to spend a great deal of time alone, I realized that even though I thought I knew who I was, I really didn't. I would come home from work, sit on the couch in what suddenly felt like my cavernous and silent house, and realize that I didn't even know what I wanted to do with the next few hours, let alone the rest of my life.

Did I want to cook dinner? 

I dunno. 

Watch TV? 

Maybe. 

Read a book? 

Sounds all right. 

Some of this ambivalence came from the fact that I was depressed. But a good chunk of it also came from my not knowing who I was. I realized that I had spent almost all of my twenties looking for a relationship and then defining myself as being in that relationship. When the relationship failed (in part, because I went into it not knowing, or even working toward knowing who I was or what I wanted), I was left feeling empty and lonely. In a sense, I really didn't even have myself to turn to, because I didn't know myself.

I've spent the past few months thinking about who I am, acknowledging the positives and the not-so-positives. In the course of that process, I've also learned a little bit about who I want to be. And I've realized that this whole self-discovery thing is going to be an ongoing process. Like, forever. So, that's what this blog is about. It's about who I am, and it's about who I want to be. Sometimes it will be heavy, sometimes it will be light, but it will always be me.

8 comments:

Caroline said...

Yay!! That's all I've got for now :o)

Katherine said...

Heart.

Alison said...

Self-discovery--pretty much always a great thing. If you're introverted (which I think you probably are), it can be amazing. Take it from the mess that is Alison. Wouldn't you have guessed that by age 30 things would be a lot clearer? People who think they have it all figured out are kidding themselves. Lucky for you, you realize that. Also lucky for you, things can only go up from here. Sit back and enjoy the exploration!

fortunecookiejunkie said...

Always a great question, and seemingly one with endless answers. Lovely inaugural post. Welcome back to the blogosphere.

Alex said...

I vote for smokin' hot!

E said...

Smokin hot definitely! But yeah I thought I would be in several different places by the time I was 30 than where I am today. What I've found is as long as you are happy with yourself and where you are, what else can you ask for?

jmyles said...

Well written, Erin

Anonymous said...

what else can you ask for?! ice cream! always ask for ice cream no matter what :D (or cookies)

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