Monday, November 29, 2010

Epic Proportions

Note: I totally forgot that I set this to post today, which happens to be a day when I only spent two hours at work and then retreated, sick, to my bed at home. It goes without saying that I did not go to the gym today.

I have gotten entirely out of control. 

In the last year, I have gained about 30 pounds. I excused the gain at first, citing things like a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Italy, the holidays with the in-laws (where eating was the only thing I could do to keep myself from screaming at times), and then separation and divorce. But the divorce was finalized almost five months ago, and I've continued to gain since then. It's gone from understandable to unacceptable.

I'm not going to give you numbers because honestly, it's just too embarrassing. It should suffice to say that not one of my friends would say that I'm being unreasonable about wanting to lose weight. I also want to do it for some very good reasons. For one thing, I just don't feel as good physically. I get tired more easily. I have more aches and pains, especially in my back, hips, and knees. According to my doctor, my blood pressure is fine, but I doubt that could continue much longer the way I'm going.

The gain is taking an emotional toll as well. I refuse to go out and buy new clothes, so I'm left with little to wear. Looking in the mirror is a depressing proposition, as I'm unhappy with what I see. I've grown more self-conscious, knowing that if I can see it others can too. I just feel... gross. 

It's not like I don't know how to fix this problem. I lost 30 pounds before my wedding by watching what I ate and going to the gym two or three times a week. At the time, it felt like a perfectly sustainable lifestyle. I slacked off after the wedding and gained some of it back, and then the crisis came and I went off the wagon entirely. Over the last few months I've lacked the motivation to do anything about it, but I have the desire at this moment and I'm going to harness it before it disappears.

Today, I'm going to start writing down what I eat and I'm going to go to the gym at lunch, even if it's just for 20 minutes.

I didn't write this post because I thought any of you would be particularly interested in it. I wrote it because I need some accountability. I need to put out there that I'm going to do something about this situation so that I feel compelled to follow through, even if it's just a little bit at a time.


Amy in Austin said...

Good for you! I use the app Lose It so that I see how many calories I'm actually eating. You can type in what your goal weight is and it tells you how much you can eat. Plain and simple. Sort of.

Erin said...

@SingleBlonde - I joined Lose It! last week (not good timing, I know). I do well with guidelines, so hopefully it will help. And I love that I can use the app when I'm out & about, and the full website when I'm in front of a computer.

I Am Gracie B said...

ohmegoodness. this is me, this past year, also! i blamed my back injury. however, i've been getting better but i'm still not getting off my fat arse. eeep!!

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