Thursday, April 26, 2012

Week 21 Update

This post actually only runs through Tuesday because yesterday was the start of my vacation and everyone knows vacation calories don't count. Vacation exercise - in the form of strolling, walking, climbing 6 flights of stairs to my bed - definitely does count, though.

So don't expect another update for a little while. I'll be too busy for blogging. ;-)

Week 21
Total weight loss: 13 lbs
Number of workouts: 0 (I was busy getting ready, to leave, okay?)
Number of days at or under 1600 calories: 1

Friday, April 20, 2012

Week 20 Update

This week brought a great milestone: I can fit into my old pants! They're not exactly "skinny" pants, but they're not my fattest pants either, so I'll take it.

I ate out a lot again this week and didn't have any roller derby practices, so I made sure to step up my workouts at the gym. There's nothing I really like about cardio at the gym, but it's better than the alternative (exponential ass growth), so I'll do it when I have to.

Week 20
Total weight loss: 13 lb (another 1 1/2 lbs!)
Number of workouts: 5 (3 days of 30 minutes on the elliptical, 2 30-minute circuit training sessions at the gym)
Number of days at or under 1600 calories: 3

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

You Can Call Me Al

I got an amazing list of potential roller derby names from you guys. Really, you did me proud. Several of you were strongly in favor of my original idea, Wilhelmina Cutabitch, but you came up with some new serious contenders too. Many of them draw on my love of food, especially desserts and ice cream making, which I found especially impressive. Check out this amazing list:

Banana Split Your Head
Butcherscotch
Californication
Chocolate Ass-mault
Chocolate Chip Cookie Ho
Crumblecakes
Curly Cupcake
Dirty Bombé
Dirty Dowager
Electric Barbarella
Erin Energizer
Erin the Side of Caution 
Haute Fuck Sundae
Haute Petunia
Hawt Wheels
Ice Queen Cones
Ima Hitjew
Imma Guardin
Jam Tart
Jew-bacca
Jewcie Calamity
Julia Wilds
Juwanna Scoopapain
Karma Zabitch
Knuckle Cream Sandwich
The Masticator
Maybelline, the Great Lasher
Ms. Freeze
Paula Mean
Peach Clobber
Poundcake
Princess of Wails
Public Frenemy #1
Rainbow Sherhurt
Smooooth Criminal
Shouldacoulda Cutchu
Slammin' Stella
Slapple Pie
Stella Haute Check
Stella Haute Mess
Stella Savage
Stella Shank
Stelladoro Breadbitch
Sweet Revenge
The Storyteller (of Pain)
Tartless
Terin Uptrack
You Jews You Lose

There were also quite a few of you who expressed support for Erin Go Braughless, despite my explicit instructions that you not do so. Lucky for all of us, that name is already taken on the official roller derby name register.

I'm in love with a bunch of these, but I managed to narrow the list down to six. I cut the list down based on whether I could skate (and answer) to the name without blushing, whether it lent itself to a decent nickname for my teammates to call me by, whether it was already on the registry, and - most importantly - whether it made me laugh. Every single one of these (except Poundcake, which I kept anyway) met those criteria. Without further ado...

Banana Split Your Head
Dirty Bombé
Haute Fuck Sundae
The Masticator
Poundcake
Public Frenemy #1

Right now I'm leaning toward The Masticator, since it has the potential for a great slogan ("She'll chew you up and spit you out") and a good nickname ("Chewy" - I'm a sucker for a Star Wars reference). Plus, it sounds slightly dirty, but also has undertones of vocab nerd, which I love.

So here's what I'm gonna do: when the next roller derby session starts, I'm going to try skating to a few of these names and see how comfortable I am with them. I have a feeling that even though I absolutely love the name Haute Fuck Sundae, for example, I'll feel self-conscious skating under it. The goal is to have a name before my first scrimmage, which (I hope) will be in July. Once I finally settle on a name, I'll let you all know!

Friday, April 13, 2012

Week 19 Update

I expected this to be another bad week. I didn't stick to my diet very well and missed at least one workout, so I can't explain how I'm down another pound this week. But I'll take it!

Yesterday was also my last roller derby practice for 1 1/2 weeks, when the new session starts. I'm already super pumped to keep up everything I've learned and hopefully pass the skills test in June.

Week 19
Total weight loss: 11 1/2 lbs (One more pound!)
Number of workouts: 3 (2 roller derby practices, 1 30-minute circuit training sessions at the gym)
Number of days at or under 1600 calories: 2

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Hit Me with Your Best Shot

As much as I beat myself up for the dozens of mistakes I make during every roller derby practice, the truth is that I've come a long way. But there's still (atleast) one, glaring thing that I haven't mastered yet, though: my derby name.

Originally I told myself I couldn't pick a derby name until I learned to do a crossover. That milestone came and went, so then I told myself that I wouldn't pick a name until I "sucked less." It was a suitably nebulous goal that allowed me to avoid having to come up with something cute, cool, and unique. 

And then Sunday happened. Once a month, the primer group (that's the lowest level - focused on basic skills, not yet allowed to scrimmage, and where I currently reside) has a speed test. When I started roller derby, I got 15 laps in 5 minutes. 3 weeks ago, I did 18 laps - definite progress, but not the 19 laps required to move up to the next level of rec league. My goal for Sunday was 19 laps, and I genuinely surprised myself when I got 20.5.

20.5!

This is great. It means I've improved my speed by more than 33% since I started in January. More importantly, it means that, provided I pass a skills test in June (something I think I can do), I can move up to the next level and start scrimmaging in July.

It also means that I officially "suck less" and have to come up with a name.

I have Roller Derby Name Block. It feels like everyone else has a great derby name that suits her personality on and off the track. There's Anita Beaver, Sig Sauer-puss, Me Shove You Long Time, Sweethurt, Betty Cracker, Scoldilocks, Sandy Ravage, Full Frontal Jewdity, and Abita Blackenblue. And me: Erin.

I've come up with a few names, each with its pros and cons. First there was Wilhelmina Cut-a-Bitch, which I liked because it starts out all prim and proper and then, out of nowhere - BAM! - gets all mean and nasty. But what if I turn out not to be a very aggressive player and the name doesn't fit me at all? Then came Stella Stiletto, an homage to my great-grandma Stella, who I like to think would be proud of my independence and roller derbying. But that name is already taken by some roller derby woman in Michigan, and I'd hate to be seen as a copycat. Then I started looking for cool female villains as inspiration and came across Diamond Annie, head of the notorious London all-female shoplifting gang the Forty Elephants in the early 1900s (bonus: I could make "40 Elephants" my number!). And most recently, Hot Mess (or Haute Mess, if you like), which really does seem quite appropriate given how ridiculously sweaty I get during practice, but isn't very interesting otherwise. And, on top of everything else, I have to consider the nickname my teammates will use while I'm skating: Willie? Stella? Diamond? Mess?

I need your help. I'm wide open. I'd love to have something that represents my personality, but also something that fits with the motifs most other derby names use: toughness, speed, sexiness, and/or plays on words. Pop culture and historical references rock too.

So, hit me with your best shot. But if even one of you thinks of suggesting Erin-Go-Braughless, I will cut you. Just so you know.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Week 18 Update

It's official: I'm 20% of the way to my goal!* That's my personal goal, not my doctor's goal. My doctor's goal is another 5-10 pounds lower, which frankly, just isn't going to happen. My love of food and disdain for exercise make it pretty much impossible.

I'm going to try to keep this momentum up for the next few weeks before I leave for Paris, because I fully expect to gain a few pounds while I'm there. And I'm happy to pay that price for good cheese and red wine in a cafe along the Seine.

Week 18
Total weight loss: 10 1/2 lbs (I gained some weight back over the last few weeks, but lost it plus a little more - yay me!)
Number of workouts: 5 (2 roller derby practices, 2 30-minute circuit training sessions at the gym, 1 40-minute hike/walk through the state park behind my office)
Number of days at or under 1600 calories: 3

*That sounds a lot better than "I lost 10 pounds," so that's what I'm going with.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

My Brain Hurts

The other day I went to add a book by Dan Savage to my "to read" list on goodreads. If you don't know Savage, he is, among many other things, the author of the "Savage Love" sex advice column and the man who helped create the popular/slang definition of "Santorum" as "the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex." And no, I'm not making that up.

So imagine my surprise when I typed out Savage's name, hit "search," and came up with these results:


The Anne of Green Gables series was one of my favorites as a child.  Any shreds of innocence my childhood might have had are officially gone now. And no, I do not want to know what Anne and Gilbert were doing inside those green gables, especially if it involves Santorum. Bleck.

*For the record, the book I was looking for is third on the list, The Commitment.

Monday, April 2, 2012

A Subtle Shift

I'm changing the name of this blog. Well, really only part of it. Just the subtitle.

It used to read "My Life, Under (Re-) Construction." I ditched the "(Re-)."

I've been contemplating the change for a while. When I started this blog during my divorce, I really did think of myself as needing to rebuild my life. I felt like it was in shambles, and I somehow needed to get back to where I was before. Once I got back to that point, the work would be done.

I shifted my perspective a bit when I realized that my life is always going to be under construction. There will always be new additions, tear downs, and remodeling going on. It's just the way life is. 

My life is the Winchester Mystery House, and I am Sarah Winchester. But without quite so much crazy, of course.

If that reference doesn't make sense to you, click on that last link and read. It does a better job of explaining things than I care to do. Go on, I'll wait.

Sarah Winchester, heiress to the Winchester rifle fortune, kept her house under continuous construction, night and day, for 38 straight years. Fun fact: I had a birthday party there in elementary school. Yes, really. Photo from the Library of Congress, Prints & Photographs Division, 571113, via Wikipedia.
And so, my house will remain under construction, with no definite end in sight, always a work in progress. 

I'm learning to be okay with that.

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