Thursday, July 19, 2012

Motivation

I've been at a bit of a loss for things to write about lately. It's not that everything's going swimmingly in my life; more like I'm having trouble finding anything worthy of the effort. Nothing really feels interesting enough to sit down, put fingers to keyboard, and start composing reasonably intelligible sentences about it.

One of the few things that's gotten me excited in the last week or so is a new band I heard for the first time yesterday. It was serendipitous that I even got to hear them - I was running late so I was driving after 9am, which is the time I normally turn off my local public radio station because they insist on continuing to employ a DJ who talks over the music and tells long rambling stories with long stretches of dead air sprinkled in for good measure. But for whatever reason, I was running late and didn't switch the station off, and that's how I first heard The Lumineers. They're pretty much my favorite thing of the last 24 hours.

What made it all even better is that the album is on sale for super cheap right now - $4.99 on Amazon and just a few dollars more on iTunes. I bought the whole album, and the songs just feel so right for my mood right now: mellow, contemplative, sometimes upbeat and sometimes not. I still really like the single I heard on the radio, "Ho Hey," which you can hear below. But if you have the time, you should check out the live version of their song "Dead Sea," because that song is what really moves me right now.

Maybe I did find some motivation after all.



Disclaimer: If you click on either of the links to Amazon or iTunes above and purchase the album, I will receive a small commission. I was not paid to include these links, or to write this post. No one else even suggested I write this post. I'm just genuinely enjoying this band right now, and thought I'd share. If you like them and would like to throw a few cents my way (and I'm being literal there), feel free to purchase using either of those links. If not, well, I still would've written this post anyway.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

So Now I'm *That* Lady

It was nearly midnight and I was lying in bed when I decided I wanted a caprese salad. This was serendipitous, as I just so happened to have all the ingredients handy - tomatoes I picked from my garden that afternoon, fresh mozzarella in the fridge, a brand new bottle of olive oil, and basil growing in a pot on the front porch.

I sliced the tomato and mozzarella, then went to pick the basil. I paused at the door to consider my attire: paint-stained tank top and underwear. I peeked through the peephole to see if anyone was roaming the streets - it seemed all clear. I cracked the door and poked my head out to get a better look - still looked good. I decided to go the lazy route and forgo pants, betting no one would drive by in the five seconds it'd take me to dart out, grab a few leaves of basil and dash back inside.

I opened the door, took half a step out, and then (why only then?!?) spotted my 21-year-old next door neighbor's car parked at my curb with its driver-side door wide open. I froze, then scrambled back into the house and slammed the door shut.

There was no basil on my caprese salad last night.



Monday, July 9, 2012

All Torn Up

It's 12:30 in the morning on a Monday and I'm still awake, even though, yes, I have to go to work in the morning.

Before I go to the office I have an appointment with my orthopedic surgeon to finally get an answer about the bum shoulder I injured during roller derby practice back in March. I had an MRI done on Friday night, and the results will be ready in less than 11 hours.

Google is my best friend and my worst enemy right now, enabling my obsessive searches for diagnoses and treatments and prognoses. Is it a rotator cuff tear? Or a tear of the glenoid labrum? Between the two I'd really prefer a labrum tear because the recovery time for that is shorter (or so says the internet). But of course no tear at all would be best, because then I wouldn't have to have surgery and could keep skating while I go through physical therapy... 

I mull over the possibilities and their associated pros and cons, finally settling on my injury of choice, as if what I want will have any effect on the outcome. The silliest part is that even without a diagnosis, I've been sabotaging my skating for months. I'm pouting over friends who've moved up and started scrimmaging before me, and even though I've assessed up now and am able to practice with them again, I'm still not showing up to practice often. It feels pointless and frustrating when I can't hit or scrimmage yet.

So here I am, hoping for a diagnosis that will allow me to skate even though I haven't really been skating for a while now, because at least then it will be my choice not to skate. And that's the real reason I'm obsessing over rotator cuff tears vs. labrum tears and SLAP lesions vs. Bankart lesions and settling on my preferences even though the universe really doesn't care which injury I'd prefer: because I'm not in control of any of this (and a lot of the rest of my life) right now, but all this obsessing and preferring lets me pretend that I can influence it in some way.

I get that a shoulder injury like this is relatively minor in the grand scheme of things. It's not exactly life-threatening. Hell, it's not even bad as roller derby injuries go. But it feels Very Important to me.

I know I should let go and relax and just let the diagnosis come to me in 10 1/2 hours, which is exactly what it's going to do even if I don't let go and relax. I know that all this obsessing is only giving me the illusion of control. I know that I should concentrate on the things I can control, like doing exercises that don't aggravate my shoulder and not eating a pint of ice cream in one sitting. I know it all, I really do. 

But I would still really prefer a labrum tear over a rotator cuff tear - just in case.

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